sometimes I feel like my marriage is failing, and that’s okay

Tonight, like every other night for the past week or so, we dished up our dinner, sat down at the table and made polite conversation. Then I loaded the dishwasher and my husband put away his washed and folded laundry before both sitting down in the lounge to put on some series.

Sounds perfectly pleasant doesn’t it? Not to me, tonight my mind was going a hundred miles an hour.

Why was our conversation over dinner just simple small talk?

Was he getting bored of me?

Am I not intellectually challenging enough?

Were we drifting apart?

Why are we so boring all of a sudden?

Where has our spark gone?

And then…

Is our marriage failing?

Neither of us were doing anything wrong and no one was to blame for the “meh” state of our marriage. Things were just difficult.

We’ve been through a fair amount in our three and a bit years of holy matrimony. Moving across the country, a miscarriage, losing family members, having a baby, maybe it was all catching up to us and this was the beginning of the end.

We are both exhausted. Our daughter has been a bit of a nightmare the past few nights (a good ol’ growth spurt…again!) and Dan has been under an incredible amount of pressure at work which is exhausting in a completely different way. I’m still trying to find my own identity again after becoming a new mom, never mind trying to adapt to motherhood in general (just when you think you’ve mastered it, it throws you a curveball),  and, and, and…

As my thoughts began to snowball, preparing to avalanche I realised: we were going to be okay.

Why you ask?

It’s as simple as this: I knew that things were not peachy.

We both knew it.

And we didn’t like it.

Marriage is hard work. It’s also amazing, wonderful, exciting and the best decision I ever made. But it’s hard work.

Like everything else in life, marriage goes through seasons. We just happen to be going through a very trying season. One where we seem to be tired all the time, putting in effort really takes effort and it seems never ending.

The important thing though is that we realise that this is just a season, not a preview for the rest of our lives.

Aria won’t have a bad week every week, work won’t be as intense every day and when it comes down to it, we are still madly in love with each other and we stand by the vows and sacrament we made 3 years and 2 months ago.

“To have and to hold from this day forward,

for better or worse

for richer or poorer

in sickness and in health

to love and to cherish

till death us do part”

And so tonight when we go to bed, we’ll lie a little closer, we’ll kiss a little longer, and I’ll fall asleep reminding myself that seasons pass and that our marriage is safe  because we treasure it (and each other) too much to let it just slip away.

 

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13 Comments

  • Reply
    Kandy Kane
    July 11, 2016 at 8:50 am

    Very touching post!!!!! And so true… Thibgs cant always be sunshine and roses 24/7 xxx but its all worth it xxx i think u doing a much better job than most people out there 🙂 xxxx

    • Reply
      mascara & mimosas
      July 26, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      I think so many people have rose tinted glasses when it comes to marriage – it’s hard work but that’s what makes it work 🙂 Thank you for the kind words x

  • Reply
    Carina
    July 11, 2016 at 9:25 am

    Lovely post! I’m not even married yet and I also feel that sometimes things get rough but it is important to remind yourself that a bad patch will pass and everything will be amazing again. 🙂

    • Reply
      mascara & mimosas
      July 26, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      So glad that you enjoyed the post bokkie x We can’t wait for your troue 😉

  • Reply
    meg
    July 11, 2016 at 9:32 am

    Beautiful post, and a nice reminder that marriage is two people working at it every day – thank you. I am going to hug my hubby a bit tighter this evening because I am so thankful I have him in my life.

  • Reply
    Kate Kearney
    July 11, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    Ah Sarah, this post resonated with me so much! It’s flipping tough trying to juggle everything, and often a marriage is the first thing to get neglected. You guys will be absolutely fine – just the fact that you eat dinner together and acknowledge you might be a bit disconnected is massive. Good luck with the growth spurt, those things are the worst!

    • Reply
      mascara & mimosas
      July 26, 2016 at 8:20 pm

      Gah, growth spurts are straight from the devil! Thanks for reading Kate, hope to see you soon! x

  • Reply
    Marné
    July 19, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    I fell in love with your words: “the important thing is that we realise that this is just a season, not a preview for the rest of our lives.” Beautiful Sarah, and a beautiful heart-felt post xx

  • Reply
    Lesley
    July 29, 2016 at 7:10 pm

    So needed this tonight, as if you knew I needed some reassurances

  • Reply
    Life lately, plus my favourite piece from Annapatat Kids, ever!
    March 26, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    […] and I have never pretended to have the perfect marriage, and I have always tried really hard to be honest over here on the blog about just that; I think so often we glance over how much work actually goes into a […]

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